You’ve Got To Have Hope
Last Saturday was my 7-year old son Jack’s first football game.
The whole family went, including my brother J.T.’s 16-yr old son Shane who was visiting from San Francisco. We were all excited to go and watch these miniature NFL athletes. Raquel said to me, “mom why do I have to go, I can’t even see anything. Please let me stay home and I will play on my Ipad.” It was the first time that I noticed that for the last year I had been enabling this kind of behavior. I was not putting my foot down, telling her that she needs to get outside, enjoy everything around her, even if she can only hear the sounds, it is still worth it! A little tough love was thrown her way and she ended up going.
That event brought me to today. I had to make numerous calls to Raquel’s low vision specialists and vision rehabilitation services at her school, calls that a parent does not want to make. Raquel’s eyesight has dropped 3 lines in the last 6 months. One of her teachers even told me on the phone today, “I waved to Raquel and she didn’t wave back and she was not that far from me. Has her vision gotten worse?” It is the beginning of school and as a mom the only calls you want to make are simple ones: “Hey I need to pick Raquel up at back pick up, or what time do I need to volunteer”, not calls like “we need to discuss how my child is going to adapt in her classroom because she can’t see farther than 8 feet in front of her.” As I sit and write this blog, tears fill my eyes and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. My child is going blind and there is not a damn thing I can do about it (at least not in the present moment). I want to feel sorry for myself that my child is not like everyone else. This situation stinks and I want to go bury my head in a pillow and cry and cry until I can’t cry anymore. But then, I get that little nudge inside, whether it is God, my parents or my angel telling me, “don’t give up, make due in the moment and fight like hell for this child”, and that is exactly what I am going to do. I may have tears now, but I have hope. Hope that the Snow foundation will make a difference in Raquel’s life and the lives of other children that have to endure these hardships and that hope my friends, is what keeps me going.