Why Does it Feel Like I’m Feeding her to the Wolves

Opening the doors

The drive was mostly quiet except for my pounding heart beat. I looked over at Raquel in the passenger seat as she twiddled her thumbs. I felt like I could break at any moment, the nerves were getting to me. I wondered how Raquel felt? Was she ready? I sure wasn’t.

Today was the first day of school. I already sent my eldest daughters, Merry and Lauren to high school. Lauren is a Freshman and Merry is a Junior. They had each other, so I knew they’d be alright, and Merry was already the well-known, popular, star-studded upperclassman. Raquel had no one except for the student aid she was assigned for the first week of classes.

An Anxiety Attack When Meeting the Wolf Pack

My anxiety was at an all time high. When we pulled up to the school and I dropped her off, I noticed the teacher that was waiting to accompany Raquel to her locker. I watched her as she walked away, fearing a sudden misstep or trip over something she couldn’t see, even a small pebble. I tried to curb my nerves, but my heart dropped with every step.

I wanted so fiercely for Raquel to be accepted. After all, she is my baby cub, and I couldn’t bare the thought of her being eaten alive. Sending you daughter who can barely see five feet in front of her into the den of hundreds of crazed pre-teens is like eating cold soup; It leaves a bit of a sour taste in your mouth.  

Diagnosing Disaster

The air was cold around me. It was probably just my body reacting to Raquel’s absence. I wanted to hold her hand as she walked through the halls. I wanted to hug her and make sure she was okay. I wanted to be there to scold any child that looked at her like she was different. I knew I had to relinquish my leash. I couldn’t be there to guide her through life in some aspects, and I knew she had to make it on her own. She is growing up, and I think that’s what I fear the most.

Good Fortune

Hours later when Raquel got back in the car, I asked her, “How was your day sweetie?” My heart was racing with the fear of the unknown. I hoped that nothing happened to her. I was trying to hide my worry, but I couldn’t bare the thought of her Wolfram syndrome deterring her happiness. It’s all a mother could want for her child. When Raquel looked at me, I didn’t see the same blank nervousness, but the glint of a smile. “I made a new friend,” she said. With that, I finally was at ease.