Don’t Ask Why

Last Friday, I had an unbelievable discussion with the owner of a company that has offered their help to The Snow Foundation to expand our wings.

At the end of the meeting, I remember walking out of his office completely perplexed.  I felt like I had just had a discussion with God, my mom, my dad, a priest, my best friend, my husband; the list goes on and on.  I felt deflated, yet uplifted. Honestly, I really didn’t know how to digest what I had just heard. He really made me think about my life in ways that I never had before.

Now, here I am five days later. I got the kids off to school, cleaned up the house, did a few bills and answered a few emails. Then, I climbed back into bed and put the sheets over my head and cried. I felt depressed and overwhelmed with LIFE. I have many questions that I want answered. I want to know WHY certain things happened.  Growing up, I always wanted to know WHY. (Just ask my sister and brother. Our family dinner discussions would last an hour longer than needed because I would go head to head with my dad on wanting to know why. I had many bruised legs from J.T. kicking me under the table, because he wanted me to shut up and let it be…).   My personal world, my business world and my SAVE the Wolfram World completely overwhelm me at times. I thought, maybe mentally I am not strong enough to handle all of this.  I laid in bed feeling sorry for myself and prayed to God for continued strength, especially strength of the mind.  The mind is so powerful and it can take you places that you really don’t want to go. Unfortunately, I have been to a couple of places that I do not wish to re-visit. Still under the covers and crying and being pissed off, a thought came to mind. I believe this came from the man upstairs. It was time to grab my phone and listen to Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s meditation message of the day.

A couple weeks ago, the Foundation’s Executive Director and I had challenged each other to a 21-day meditation with Deepak and Oprah. It’s been tough because we both have four children, run the foundation and much much more, but we decided to give it a try.  When we actually keep our minds from wandering, it’s been great! Today’s message was on GRATITUDE.

“There is a deeper kind of gratitude that goes beyond our conceptions and beliefs of good and bad. This expanded sense of gratitude rejoices in life exactly as it is, right now….life is perfect in spite of its imperfections. Our heart is big enough to embrace and appreciate life as a whole, just as it is, without worrying about whether it is good or bad.”

It was great to hear that Oprah has her moments of self doubt, just like me. Oprah has taught herself to let these emotions pass and she continues to remind herself that she is “thankful for all that she has TODAY.”  I need to try and train my mind to be thankful for all that I have and know that bad things happen to good people and I may never know why. As I continue to grow day to day, I am trying to teach myself that I don’t need to know WHY everything happens. When life hands you lemons, you need to make lemonade…sometimes the lemonade is mediocre other times the lemonade is outstanding, it doesn’t really matter does it, as long as you still make it!